Category Archives: Momma Struggles

I Can’t Call It Baby Weight Anymore

I had my daughter in 2012 and dropped all of the pregnancy weight pretty fast thanks to breastfeeding.  It was effortless and the weight just melted off of my body.  Fast forward FOUR years and I have surpassed my pregnancy weight and I’m not pregnant all thanks to: not moving, eating late at night, not watching what I ate and just plain not caring.

I’m no stranger to weight loss either.  A bout a year and a half ago I got into a weight loss bet with some women on the internet and even posted about it here.  But a week into it everyone stopped participating including me.  What I learned is that money does not motivate me and that I get discouraged fast.

I’ve kidded myself long enough.  I’ve made enough excuses (and I’ve got some good one’s) for far too long! I’ve tearfully watched the scale creep up and up and up for 4 years now only to excuse the numbers away out of existence.  I talk about it all the time with my husband and I have even talked about it with my good girlfriends and still not taken action.  I’ve gained OVER 30 pounds in 4 years, but the time has come!

First off a list of my infamous excuses and my attempt at some counter-excuses:

  1. I have No time – well I really don’t but if so many other bloggers can get up at 4:30 in the morning than by golly so can I!
  2. I have nothing to wear- this is actually true.  I don’t even have a sports bra or sneakers to work out with so it is going to be expensive to get started, but we are just going to have to put some clothing expenses in the budget.
  3. I need music- another thing I am lacking is work out music or an I pod.  I used to have a Nano, but that thing was a piece of crap and quit working long ago.  I think I can work out for a little while with out one, but eventually it is going to have to happen.  Maybe I will buy a used I pod or something.  Suggestions are welcome.
  4. I have no place to work out- I can not do some exercise videos at my house especially when it is going to be like 5 AM in the morning; I live in an old creaky house and I don’t want to wake everybody.  Also, I don’t have the discipline to work out at home to videos.  I need a place that can motivate me; it doesn’t have to be the fanciest place on the planet, but I need something that is going to motivate me to get up at 4:30 AM and go work out.  It must also be in a safe neighborhood again, I will be going under a cloak of darkness.  I kind of want an all female gym as well.  I also want something that has classes because I do well in that sort of environment. It isn’t going to be cheap that is for sure another thing that we will have to add to the budget.
  5. I don’t know how to work out- Can someone tell me what the hell a Burpee is, please?  I haven’t a clue in this department.  Form has never been my thing and I know that if you don’t have proper form you might as well have not worked out. So I need some help in this department…enter classes with instructors.
  6. I have no idea how to eat right- Not really true, since I read a lot of blogs on eating right and living a healthy lifestyle.  I will admit I have no portion control anymore and that is my problem.  And the first step in any recovery is admittance, right?  Baby steps?
  7. I have no desire to run- this is very true.  I attempted to run recently and it was pathetic.  I’m getting older and need to take better care of myself for me and my family.  But I have never liked to run.  I need to find classes like Body Pump and things I like to do. 
  8. I’ll start tomorrow or after _______<–insert holiday or special occasion.  I don’t think I am the only one here who uses this gem.  It is always so big even that allows me to justify not eating well and not exercising.  The big one right now is Mardi Gras, I mean they don’t call it Fat Tuesday for nothing right?  And I did not move back to Louisiana not to eat like 7 King Cakes this season right?  No, I seriously have had 7 cakes since Carnival Season began.  They were delicious!   All of them!

I have more excuses, but these are the Krispy dela Kreme  of the dilemmas!

Then there are the clothes that  I  “can still wear” and the clothes I “used to wear”.  In my head, I can still wear that backless red shirt with the green butterflies on it so I won’t throw it away, but in reality I can’t even pull it over my fat roll, let alone let my back hang out. So why am I hanging on to it?Instead of wearing the red backless shirt, I put on the biggest frumpiest black flowiest shirt I have (and even that is getting snug on me now).

And don’t even get me started on the 3 pairs of pants I can still  wear. I am now regimented to 3 pairs of pants and I am praying no one has noticed.   Also, my pants no longer sit at my waist anymore, they roll down in the front even if I wear a belt.

I thought about posting my starting weight and all of my measurements to really hold myself accountable, maybe when I’m done. I am just to ashamed of where I’m at and how I have gotten here.  In my head I am still skinny.  I think of myself as a young thin girl and then I pass a mirror and I’m like “Who is that? And How did she get in my house?”  Seriously, I am in shock that this has happened to me.

So I start my weight loss journey today with nothing except sheer will to start a new chapter in my life.  To put into practice all of these healthy living habits I have learned by finally eating right, not eating after eight o’clock and to cut back on carbs that I so over indulge in. To begin as soon as financially  possible working out at a gym.  To buy some cute work-out clothes that can help motivate me.  To use MyFitnessPal to track my calories and exercise each day, though I admit this will be extremely difficult for me to keep up because I typically run from meal to meal without even realizing I just put food in my mouth let alone the calories I just dumped into my body.

Above all, I am calling today the line in the sand and I refuse to not be motivated any longer. Starting today I am going to move my body, wake up early, watch and track what I eat and take a few baby steps forward in my journey because I just can’t call it baby weight anymore, I just can’t.

 

God Works In Mysterious Ways

You would not believe how much life can change in 7 months!!!  I ended up going back to work a few days after I posted my last post and pretty much hated my job; It was very stressful, demanding and the pay was crap!

In my work life I was miserable, but it was a good thing for my daughter because we found a great Montessori school for her in Austin and she loved being there.  It was good for me too, but like I said the job was crap.  I went back to work because money was so tight and it was amazing that I went back to work when I did because a week after I went to back to work we found out our house had termites.  My entire first paycheck went to taking care of those terrible beast.

My second paycheck went towards another life event: my husbands car broke down, well, it died.  It was overdue for a lot of maintenance and it finally went kaputt!  We attempted for him to ride the bus for a week or so, but that was ludicrous because it took him almost 2 hours to get to work and 2 hours to get home.  Our family quality time was basically in the toilet.  So we broke down and bought a used car for my husband.

Even though the money I made did not go towards advancing our tough economic situation, at least we did not go further into the ditch.  So there you go.

I wasn’t happy, but I stayed at my job, hoping for an opportunity to come my way.   And then one did.

I wont go into all the details, but an opportunity to move back to Louisiana presented itself to me in the form of a job opportunity. Something we had prayed or for years, to move back to Bayou Country, just fell into my lap, just like that.

After carefully discussing it with my husband, we decided to jump at the chance.  We threw some caution to the wind and hoped and prayed a lot, and I got the job!

I had to move first because my job was effective immediately and I had to geaux.  On October 14th, 2016 I moved back solo to Louisiana.  I left my husband and daughter behind to figure the logistics out, one of the most painful things I have ever had to do.

While I moved in with a good friend of mine in Lafayette, he stayed behind in Austin to sell the house, pack the house and quit his job.  A monumental task to face all by himself.

God really was on our side though.   I would go back to visit every other weekend and we got a really good realtor.  Our  house sold without ever putting it on the market.  First offer!  A little under two months after I moved to Louisiana my husband and daughter moved here as well and we have been together ever since.

We are renting a house now, but are looking to buy maybe in a year or so.  My job is temporary and does have an end date; however, I feel God led us here and he has been helping us every step of the way.

Little Potty Mouths

 

Maybe this is a generalization, but  just about everyone says a few curse words now and again.   I don’t know about you but before I had a child I had a cowboy mouth, my favorite word being the F Bomb.  I think it makes me feel better to toss out an F bomb  now and again.

Even if you watch what you say, kids are going to hear foul language somewhere or another.  I was watching Modern Family and I heard Damn it! at least one time.  Sooner or later your little darling is going to say a curse word and what are you going tot do about it?

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This situation was presented to us in a very real way this past weekend.  Since giving birth, working on my potty mouth has been a full time job for me, but I think I have gotten it under control.  Every now and again one will slip through the gate, but overall much better.  In fact, I actually was complemented on this by my husband less than a week ago.  It was nicer to hear than “Have you lost weight?”  But as careful as I  have been of late, I guess I have said one or two words that have been brought to my attention: Damn it!

Yes, the other day my little darling started throwing Damn it! around like confetti.  I did what most moms would do and I ignored it the first time.  Then there was a second time and I told her that “we don’t use words like that”.  Then there was a third time where my sweet angel not only used the words, but used them in the correct connotation, specifically “Daddy, I don’t want you to read me books, I want Mommy to read me books. Damn it!” insert hand slap.   Yes, yes it was a crowning moment for me as a mother.

So what do you do when your little angel suddenly becomes a sailor?  You do what any 21st century parent would do and you Google that shit!  Here is what I found:

  1. Don’t laugh or giggle– This seemed obvious to me.  I also did not find it too terribly humorous that a  3 year old was screaming damn it! at 8pm at night.  No thank you!  I would not find that hilarious in any setting.  Still I guess that is what internet articles do, state the obvious.
  2. Don’t Overreact– We might have failed at this one just a teensy tiny bit because the shock was so intense.  The first time she said it we did ignore it, but I think that only added fuel to her fire.  The second time she said it we addressed it as “That is a bad word and you should never say bad words”.  The third time she said it (all in one day by the way) was when we got upset and might have over reacted with a bit of fussing and yelling.
  3. Watch your own language– Another one from Captain Obvious!  Like I said, I have been working on my own potty mouth since she was born.  I really did not need Google to tell me this.  This really made me want to show Google a nice finger gesture I know.
  4. Tell your child that is not a nice word to use-Sometimes this sort of logic works and sometimes it back fires in your face.  When we told her that it was wrong to use that word she just figured out how use it better in a sentence.
  5. Play With Your Child OR as I like to Say, Play it Out- One article I read said to use play therapy to relieve tension in the situation and redirect your child’s attention.  Umm no thank you!  In fact the article was so full of shit I couldn’t even finish reading it.  I guess I’m not that hippie dippy play it out kind of mom.  I wanted to handle up on the situation and let her know right off of the bat I was serious.
  6. Sit Down With The Child and Brainstorm New Words To Use When Angry-  I like this idea a lot in theory, but we didn’t use it at the time.  If ol’ potty mouth keeps it up though we will have to come up with some creative ideas other than Darn it.
  7. The Swear Jar– this is a great idea for an older child who is really got a problem with foul language, but not so age appropriate for a 3 year old.  Besides money means nothing to her at this point and I am OK with that.
  8. If the Child Continues to Use Foul Language then Use a Disciplinary Tactic– Finally some real advice I can use which is ultimately what we did.  The child went to bed without getting any books read to her,  a fate worse than death to her.

I did not see “wash your kids mouth out with soup”, but I’m sure it is there somewhere on the internet, not that I recommend it, but it did cross my mind.  So there you have it, this is by no means a comprehensive exhaustive internet search of “What to do when your child curses”, but I have now saved you hours of time by reading this abridged version.  Most of it was pretty obvious anyway.   I guess it just reaffirmed that I wasn’t a bad parent and that I did know what I was doing, but isn’t that always the way when you are a parent and your reference desk is Google?

The Poo Chronicles Part II

NOTE: This is the continuing story of the Poo Chronicles.  If you would like to read the first installment you may read it here.  The short version is that we have been trying to potty train my 3 1/2 year old daughter for over a year.  We have tried everything and now have resorted to bribery with a dinosaur. I’m loosing my mind here trying to get this kid to shit on the potty.  We think she might be afraid to do it that is why we are bribing her, regardless this is a typical day in the life.

DAY 398-Still No Poop!

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6:40 AM:  I am awaken to the sounds of “I need to go po-tty” through the baby monitor.  I jump out of bed and race to her room.   Once there  we rush to the bathroom.  Sure enough, she pees!  At least she told me before hand I tell myself; success comes in many forms.  We go about our morning eating breakfast, watching TV and getting ready to go to the grocery store

9:45:  I go to get her to get dressed and go potty.  As we are walking to the bathroom, she says to me “Mommy, something smells.”  My heart drops to the floor and  I ask already knowing the answer “Did you poopy in your pants?”   “Yes” she says laughing.  I get ticked off for like 2.5 seconds then remind myself she is only a child.  As I am cleaning her up, she asks me “Mommy was it my fault?” I blink for a second not sure how to answer this question.  I don’t want to squash her spirit, but I don’t want to just drive by the whole incident without acknowledging that she needs to learn from this.  I decide on “Well you are just learning. And maybe next time you will make it to the potty and get that dinosaur.”  She looks at me with the most sincere look anyone has ever given me with her big brown eyes and says “OK Mommy.”  I get her dresses and we head out to the grocery store.

11:30 We return from the grocery store accident free!  Now I know she can hold it.  First thing we do when we get home is go potty then I prepare lunch.  Fifteen minutes into lunch I hear “I need to go po-tty”.  She might have to go, but I know the score. She is playing the ‘I need to go potty’ thing for all its worth.  But I take her and she pees.  I decide that now is the time to try to get nap time going.  We do the usual nap time stories and songs and I leave the room telling her that Mommy will be back in a few minutes to check on her and to take her to go potty.  Learning my lesson from yesterday, I set the timer for 20 minutes this time.

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1:20PM I go in her room.  She and her bed are dry.  I am seriously grateful for this, as I don’t feel like changing sheets and being the enforcer all by myself.  I take her to the bathroom and she potties right away.  I sit her back on the potty and ask her to try to poop.  She sits there and makes grunting faces, but it dawns on me that she might have no earthly idea how to “push one out”.  After 3 minutes I say  “OK lets go back to your room for nap time.”  But anarchy ensues and she refuses to get off of the potty saying she is trying to poop.  I let her  have a freak out for a few more minutes, then I try to get her up, but she has somehow made her body weigh more that a 200 pound man and goes limp like a noodle.  A struggle ensues and I carry her back to her room all the while she is kicking and screaming “I need to poop!”.  I set her down on her bed and walk out of the room as she sobs uncontrollably.  This is where all the guilt and doubt comes in .  Am I doing this right?  Am I just selfish to want some quiet/nap time?  What if she really has to poop? Am I a monster for letting her cry like this?  Am I traumatizing my child? After about 8 min she stops crying.  I reset the timer for another round wondering if 1:30 is too early in the day for wine?

1:58PM  The timer goes off and I rush into her room.  Again, the mattress and her are dry.  I take her back to the bathroom.  She isn’t mad or upset or anything.  I sit her on the potty and within about 28 seconds she pees, a lot.  She jumps up all proud of herself.  I dump the pee and ask her to sit back down and try to poop.  She grunts and grimaces again, but to no avail.  After 3 minutes of grunting and groaning I announce that its time to go back to naptime.  This time she gets up on her own and goes in without the use of force.  I reset the timer for 20 min.

2:30 PM  Timer goes off, naptime is over.  I take her to the bathroom.  She pees again, but no poo, despite sitting there for 3 min.  She asks if naptime is over.  I say yes, sadly as I have gotten nothing done except to come to really hate the word poo and want more wine.

4:00 PM She has peed twice and I decide to take a car ride and go to the bank. So I have her pee on the potty before we leave.  Traffic is heavy and we end up having to take a detour.  Still there and back we were gone 45 min and no accidents.

5:40 PM Daddy is home! Yhea!  We decide to go out for dinner.  We forget to take her to go potty before we leave.  Unfortunately, I remember while we are strapping her into her car seat.  She throws a fit when she realizes I’m going to take her back inside to go potty.  As a compromise, we agree to go potty when we get to the restaurant.

6PM We arrive at the restaurant and go directly to jail the bathroom.  She pees a little bit.  I feel successful and we go back to our seats which is in the middle of a dark and dimly lit room.  Ten minutes into the never-ending chips and bean dip I smell something.  Something that rhymes with the word troop, only not in an army kind of way.  I say “ Did you poopy in your pants?’  She giggles wildly and my heart drops.  We walk into the women’s bathroom for the second time.  I scan the stalls.  If this is going to be a mess then I need room to do it in I say to myself as I pray that the handicap stall is vacant and that no one needs it while I’m in there.  I shut the stall door behind me and I pull the child towards me and pull at the back of her pants, peering  behind her with the caution of cat burglar.  She is clean!  OH! Glory be!  I chalk the smell up to a big fart and tell her what a good girl she is.  We go back eat our dinner and leave.

7:15 We stop at Whole Foods for some wine, Momma’s had a hard day!

7:30  It’s bedtime and we try one more time for some pee and hopefully #2.  Immediately, she whips out some pee and jumps up.  I wipe her and ask her to sit back down and try to poo.  She sits back down and we wait.  This time I decided to try for 10 min instead of 3.  I give her books and eventually her Leap Pad to play with while I check my Facebook.  I figure if we are both on our devices then my crappy parenting skills don’t matter as much (pun not intended but it was a good one. No?).  At minute seven I smell something!  I look up from my phone and she has this gigantic smile on her face.  I start cheering wildly, jumping up and down.  My husband comes running to the bathroom to confirm the verdict.  He starts cheering.  We all cheer and form  a Mardi Gras Second Line  parade to retrieve the Dinosaur!  I’ve never been prouder!  We give the child her dinosaur and she is the so excited and proud of herself. I open the bottle of wine.

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UPDATE:  We have had some successes and some failures, but I think overall things are getting better. It is just really slow going, like turtle with a slug.  Nap time is better too.  She goes to her room willingly most of the time and 90% of the time she comes out dry.  There are still a lot of accidents with #2, but there are more and more success every day.  When she poops on the potty now we give her dinosaur stickers and that seems to work for the most part, but thank heaven for wine that works the best for momma.

5 Things My 2 Year Old Has Retaught Me About Life

My daughter is about to turn 3 and I thought I would share some life lessons I have learned from her.  Some of them make me smile and some of them are just facts of living with a two/almost three year old.  Nevertheless, as she grows and learns each day, I grow and learn from her. Enjoy!

Stop and smell the roses:  Austin has tons of hiking trails that we like to enjoy on the weekends.  Whenever we go on a hike Be Be drags along behind us picking up every acorn, rock and stick she can find.  She stops to play in the dirt and water.  She points out every bug.  She also loves to point out the beautiful flowers along the way.  More often than not, I had not even noticed them when I had walked past them.  She makes me pause and I need that.

 

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Take your time eating/ Savor every bite:  The child can drag breakfast out into a two hour ordeal if I let her, but she enjoys it so much. She sings. She plays with her food.  She blows bubbles in her drink (gross I know). What I am saying is she can really enjoy herself at the table. She is very underweight for her age so I encourage  prolonged eating time because that means she is eating more food.  I watch her savor every bite (of the things she likes that is) and try new things as well.  I realized the other day that as an adult, I barely taste my food.  I am always in such a hurry that eating seems like another chore or item to cross off of my to do list.

 

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Nap time is a beautiful time:  Often nap time is the only time I have to do things I want to do, like write this blog post. About three weeks ago, Be Be decided to stop napping.  I still put her down for nap time, but she just lays there talking up a storm and playing with her stuffed animals.  Instead of napping until 3PM like she once did, she now sings and plays until 2:30 then starts yelling that she needs to go potty or starts to cry. I then have to stop what I am doing and go get her.  But today, she napped and it was a beautiful thing.  I got to work on this blog post.  I got to read a few blog posts and I even got to talk on the phone with a friend of mine, uninterrupted.  It was so, so, so nice.  I am going to miss nap time whenever it finally ends for good.  But for now it is nice.  It is my quiet time and as well as hers and I plan to fight the death of nap time as long as I can.

 

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Disappointment is really sucks:  I guess we all know this, but in a two year old, disappointment is even harder to stomach.  Think tantrums: unfathomable tantrums filled with screams and tears and the stomping of little feet.  As adults, we have sort of become immunized to it.  Disappointment happens to us so often all throughout our lives we have just gotten use to it.  Disappointments have become battle scars to us and we don’t REALLY  feel the sting of them anymore.  Yes, it sucks when it happens, but it isn’t like crushing your puppy kind of disappointment. Yet, for a two year old every disappointment is just as devastating as the last one.

 

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The party starts when you get there so, take your time:  These days trying to get out the door before 10AM is impossible.  Breakfast takes and hour or two (see above).  I’ve gotten pretty good at dressing her efficiently, but still getting out the door can take time.  Lately it has been about the potty.  We will be all set to go and she will inevitably tell me she has to go potty.  Which requires a full below the waist undressing, including shoes.  Shoes that I spent 15min trying to get on her feet in the first place.  Then of course its 10min on the potty followed by another 15 to 20 min of chasing her around trying to put her clothes and shoes back on.  It can take a lot of time and effort to get out of the door is all I’m saying.  All the while my brain is ticking with this invisible clock screaming “we are going to be late!”  But not to her.  To her it is simply a game.  Fun times of Mommy chasing her and watching Dinosaur Train while using the potty.  She doesn’t care about being late because to her the party starts when she gets there whenever that is.

 

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There is so much more I have learned from my little girl who is about to be 3, but these are just the highlights.  Everyday she grows and challenges me to see the world through the eyes of a child.

The Challenge Part I

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I gained a lot of weight when I was pregnant, but healthy baby weight is OK and comes with the territory.  After I had Be Be,  I breastfed and the weight just melted off of me and I very quickly I returned to my pre-baby jeans. Hooray! OK, so the bar was low.

Fast forward to nine months later when I left my job to become a SAHM, I wasn’t doing much working out (ok, none at all) and I was eating everything in sight.  I noticed the weight coming back on and before I knew it I weighed as much as I did when I was pregnant, I blame all those damn Goldfish lord knows I ate enough of those.

Actually, all of my weight is in my belly, a very dangerous place for women to carry extra weight because it can lead to heart disease.  My belly bulge makes me look like I am questionably pregnant.  I say questionably pregnant because people have actually asked me or referred to me as pregnant , making my belly weight dangerous for them as well.

A few weeks ago, in an online mommy group that I am in, someone posted a post titled “Want to lose weight with me?” At first it sounded like a gimmick for some diet pills or something someone was trying to sell,  then I read on. The writer of the post, a lady by the name of Anita, said she had a lot of ideas about how a group of us could come together, support each other and lose some weight.  Some of her ideas included: a financial bet, group exercise, a Facebook group,  using online tools such as myfitnesspal.com to track their eating and just friendly camaraderie.   So, I decided in about a 1/10th of a second to join the group; I actually think I might have been the first person to sign up for the challenge.

I have decided not to participate in the bet because they are betting more money than I am willing to put up, but I am going to try really hard else wise.  It is a 10 week challenge and I really think I can stick to it. I have never attempted to really diet before, so this will be new for me.  We are all using myfitnesspal.com to track our calories and I am planning on following this exercise plan I found on Pinterest, with a few modifications.  I also hope to get a cheap pedometer soon to track all of those extra steps I take while running after an almost 3yr old each day.

The working out is going to be really hard for me.  I really struggle with exercise. I just don’t know how to do it properly and I really don’t enjoy working out.  I have never gotten that “high” everyone talks about.  I mostly just feel exhausted when I am done and for the rest of the day.  I actually kind of envy people who get that boost of adrenaline that they feel for the rest of the day. I think they are faking the whole thing to make the rest of us feel lousy.  I digress, like I said, I mainly just feel tired after working out, but I am really going to try to change my mindset and hopefully my body will follow.

The challenge starts tomorrow (10/5/15) at least that is when the official weigh in is.  I weighed myself on the scale earlier tonight and I weigh 158 lbs.  I am starting tomorrow with watching my food but I won’t be starting my workout plan until Wednesday because I have a friend in town and we have a lot of plans that don’t include workouts of strict diets, but do include eating out and alcohol.  I have decided to start tracking my calories on Wednesday with the myfitnesspal.com app because we will be eating out and I have no idea how to track all of that.

So that is it!  The Challenge technically starts tomorrow, but I guess I need a few days to get use to the whole thing…so Wednesday it is then!  I will consider taking a “before” picture if I can get my friend to take a decent one using my crummy cell phone camera.  If I do then I will add it in later to this post.  Wish me luck!

 

Have you ever joined a weight loss support group before?  Did you bet money?  Did you win?  Any tips for a diet and exercise newbie?

Mommymatch.com?

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As a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM), we are obligated to have play dates for our little ones. And this is hard because you want your child to be matched up with the right child for you child. For example, you do not want your precious little one who is not a biter to be bitten by one who is. Or if your child is a go with the flow kind if kid, it isn’t good to put them with an overly structured kid.

As any SAHM knows, it is difficult to find not only a kid that gels with your kid, but a mom you actually don’t mind hanging out with.  Often you will find one, but not the other.

Even if you find a kid that doesn’t try to kill your kid and a mom that you don’t mind having a cup of coffee with the final frontier in the Trifecta is: Do your parenting styles jive?

Because if she is a helicopter mom and you just aren’t you are going to get fed up fast at the swing set holding her latte so she can hover close over little Janie.  Or if you are into attachment parenting and she is a spare the rod spoil the child  kind of mom, it just isn’t going to work.  You or her will feel judged.

That is why I have so many problems, I’m not any of those kinds of parents.  I am literally “flying by the seat of my pants trying to figure this whole thing out” kind of parent.  The parent with no plan.  Is there a group of other mommies like that out there? I know there are other ones out there like you, but I have no way of finding you.

I feel out of place with most moms because I don’t talk to my kid like they are a sensitive dog or carry around gluten free, vegan, taste free snacks.  I am just a mom who is just tying so hard to figure parenting out without being boxed into a category or having to read 10,000 + books on how to parent.  I’m going with my gut and I think it is working for me so far. I’m on the look out for others like my, but where are they?

All I’m saying is there has to be a better way of meeting like minded parents out there.  Let the crunchy mommas go be crunchy together.  And the Breast feeder’s Anonymous  go sit together.

Sometimes I think there should be a play date dating site just for SAHM and Dads so we can skip over all of this nicety and tip toeing.  Let’s skip the lies about  colds and fevers  in order to cancel the play date because you can’t stand the way little Nate makes your kid act for 3 days after said play date. We could call  it Mommymatch.com. Somebody please invent this! I would totally pay for that service and I think their mom’s would too.

What about you?  Would you subscribe to Mommymatch.com if there was such a thing?

When You Lose a Momma

 

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Since I have been a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM), I’ve made a few mom friends.  One of my favorite new mom friends  I met at Storytime has  a little girl around my daughter’s age (2 3/4).  We have become good friends and enjoy an occasional play date.  Sometime we go swimming, or hiking when the weather is palatable. We’ve been to the Children’s Museum and the climbing gym and other places like that.  Its fun to see the girls grow a friendship and to have another mother to chat with about mom things.

Last week at Storytime,  my new friend announced that she landed a full time job and will be going back to work in two weeks.  I am happy that she got the job she wanted, but sad over the loss of friendship that we have and that our children have begun to grow.  Our girls will quickly forget each other for they forget things fast at this age, but I won’t forget my friend and I am sad.  I am sad because I am losing my tribe of stay at home mommas;  I’ve already lost some others to the working world.  My tribe has become very small now and it makes me feel very alone.

She mentioned something about a Saturday play date, but I know how it is on the weekends; I haven’t forgotten from when I was a working mom. The weekends are all that you have got when you are a working mom.  All the time you have to go grocery shopping and clean the house and plan for the next week.  Weekends are all the time you have to share with your kids and husband.  When you work you have to cram all of that into just two short exhausting days and friends tend to fall by the wayside.

I am sad my daughter has lost her friend. It is harder than you think to make friends for 2 year olds.  Just because kids are the same age that doesn’t make them the same speed.   And just because they are the same age doesn’t make them necessarily compatible if they are at different stages in development.

Truth be told this has also stirred up feelings and thoughts of my own time ending as a SAHM.  I know the day is coming soon and I too will have to leave my child in the hands of daycare workers and head back to the working woman’s world of long days and short weekends.  Days when I see my child very little and spend more time with  co-workers than my own family.  I will have to go back to professional attire and wearing a bra all day.

I am just sad to lose a fellow SAHM and friend and I guess it is making me examine my own mortality as a SAHM.  What will the next chapter of my life be like?  What will BB and I do all week long with no play dates?  Who will I commiserate with about mom stuff?

What about you?  Have you ever lost a momma friend?  What did you do to cheer yourself up?