A woman’s decision to stay home or work is a gut wrenching decision no matter what she chooses. The modern world has turned on us and now it is a more difficult dilemma then ever. Stay home and be a Betty Crocker Pinterest Queen or go to work and be a Modern Day Professional Diva. In November of 2013, I left my job to come home and be with my baby, she was 13 months old at the time. It was what I wanted and I could not have been happier. I left my job on a high note and I began my career as a SAHM. It was scary because we weren’t really sure how we were going to make it, but I walked out that door anyway and said Fuck it!
Fast forward almost 2 years later and its been really hard around here; times are definitely at tight and lean. I have had some wonderful years with my daughter, but it is time to move on with the next chapter of life and that is me going back to work as sad as those words make me. I think it would be different if I was going back to work on my own terms, but that isn’t the case. It is sad when money dictates how you raise your kids. Yesterday, I watched my daughter play from across the room, and realized she has no clue how her life is about to change and it is breaking my heart.
I also realize that now I am going to be supporting my family as well and contributing to retirement. I tell myself that we had almost two full glorious years together and I smile and remember all those trips to the Children’s Museum and all the other fun place we have gone. All the play dates at the park. All the fun filled summer story time days at the library. All those beautiful mornings of snuggling on the couch under the blanket and watching Curious George, they will live in my memories forever.
Now I am more scared then ever. I wonder how I am ever going to get it all done? How in the world am I going to keep the glue of this house together: laundry, cleaning, shopping, cooking? Let alone quality family time! I know I can’t be super mom anymore, but seriously how am I even going to make it through the day? My friend, who works full time, says she gets it all done, crapily, but she gets it all done. I guess that will be my crappy fate. Working Moms, how do you do it all?
But it’s my daughter I worry about. Will she forgive me for what I am about to put her through? She is such a sweet child, will this change her personality? How will my relationship change with her? I am terrified.
But I decided, come hell or high water we were going to go out with a bang! I mean we were going to make the days count. We are going to hit all of her favorites: The Children’s Museum, the climbing gym, play date at the park, painting, play dough, coloring, bike riding, etc…You name it we are doing it. We are going to make every day count to the fullest until the day my big girl starts school and I rejoin the working pool. That is my new goal: to rock this SAHM thing out until the very end.